


Home Decorating

by munbun



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 13:51:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18344966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/munbun/pseuds/munbun
Summary: Deuce can’t really disagree with how cool an underground base is. It really makes the whole gang business feel secretive. Having to sneak down city sewers, and fight off rats, and dealing with almost no cell service… It’s great! He really feels like he’s a part of something cool! But… There are some drawbacks. Like the fact that you have to climb down a manhole. Perfectly person sized! Hence the name, Deuce figures. But it isn’t table sized. Or fridge sized. Or bed sized.





	Home Decorating

Deuce can’t really disagree with how cool an underground base is. It really makes the whole gang business feel secretive. Having to sneak down city sewers, and fight off rats, and dealing with almost no cell service… It’s great! He really feels like he’s a part of something cool! But… There are some drawbacks. Like the fact that you have to climb down a manhole. Perfectly person sized! Hence the name, Deuce figures. But it isn’t table sized. Or fridge sized. Or bed sized.  
  
A lot of the furniture down in the base tends to be stuff you can take apart and put back together. That’s their task for the day, Slick told them. Put this together. Then you can eat, you suckers. Deuce thinks that sometimes Slick is a little bit mean. Other times he thinks Slick is a lot a bit mean. He keeps that to himself though.  
  
The room is quiet. The crew sit gathered around the box in the center of the floor. Deuce can hear the electricity humming in the lights above, and in Boxcars’s phone charger. No one is making any moves yet, just sizing up this box, like it’s their next big heist, or some goon off the street they’ve tied down and roughed up. Droog takes the cigarette from his lips without taking his eyes off the box, and exhales a steady stream of smoke.  
  
In a flash, the room erupts into action. Droog makes a grab for the instructions so hard they rip a little on the edge, and Boxcars snatches the box, tipping it upside down, sending parts flying. Slick grabs two table legs and snaps them together like a judge calling for order. A packet of screws lands in Deuce’s lap, and he picks them up, looking at the little bits of metal thoughtfully.  
  
Alright, listen up, Slick says, clearly trying to get everyone’s attention. Droog continues to read the instructions like he’s pursuing an article in the paper. Boxcars is sorting all the pieces of the table, and tries to grab the table legs that Slick is commandeering from his hands. That throws Slick through an entire loop, hissing and spitting. Sometimes Slick seems like more of a cat than Droog does. Deuce holds up the screws, counting them, fiddling them between his fingers.  
  
The table legs successfully wrestled from Slick’s scrawny arms, Boxcars sets them with the others, and goes about trying to set the legs standing. Slick, not to be one-upped, knocks every single table leg over, calling Boxcars a dumbass, ignoring Boxcars trying to reason that a table has gotta stand up, and thus, it’s gotta have legs before it can have a top. Droog flips casually to page two, and takes another drag from his cigarette. Boxcars and Slick are busy squabbling, so Deuce wanders over to the table pieces, giving it a good glance-over.  
  
Boxcars and Slick get distracted by Droog loudly announcing that this is quite simply the worst diagram that he has ever seen, and he has seen plenty of Slick’s heist plans. Slick asks what the hell he means by that. Boxcars asks to see. Droog says no, he’s holding the plans, Boxcars can have his turn later. Slick asks what the hell does he mean by that, but Droog continues to ignore him. Slick tries to grab the paper away from Droog, and howls when he gets a cigarette snuffed out on his thigh. Deuce retrieves the screwdriver from across the room while Slick is hogging all the attention, throwing a fit.  
  
Despite all his hard edges, Droog can never truly disagree with Boxcars, at least not for long. He looks a little put out by it, but Droog lets Boxcars have the directions, lighting a new cigarette while Boxcars mutters the words over to himself. Slick is cursing Droog out for putting a hole in his nice pants. Droog points out that those aren’t Slick’s nice pants, those are his only slightly nice pants. Slick says whatever and fuck you anyway. Boxcars asks Droog to read something small on the paper that he can’t see, and Slick asks when it’s gonna be his turn with the paper. Deuce starts setting all the screws next to the table legs that they go to.  
  
The real trouble starts when Slick tries to grab the paper from Boxcars’s hands. Boxcars has a strong grip, and no flimsy paper is made to match his pure brute finger strength, or Slick’s razor sharp claws, for that matter. The paper is torn in half. Droog mourns it with a quiet murmur of nice going asshole. Slick decides to blame the whole ordeal on Boxcars, who tosses back the argument with twice as much force as Slick. Droog delicately scoots out of the way, sensing a brawl brewing, and not wanting to get in the blood spatter zone. Deuce starts working the screws through the table legs and into the table.  
  
True to Droog’s prediction, Slick and Boxcars start brawling. Droog picks up the discarded instruction pieces and begins arranging them, trying to make them legible again. Slick, frustrated with Droog’s indifference, reaches out and shreds the paper further. Droog stares for a moment, then quietly digs his teeth into the cigarette in his mouth. Deuce ignores the yell as Droog glitches his cue stick out of its card and goes right for Slick’s head. He’s too busy trying to affix the last leg onto the table.  
  
Boxcars pulls himself out of that mess before Slick and Droog start gunning for blood, but it’s Droog to end the fight. He has Slick’s head pinned to the concrete, and a glance taken by chance to the side makes him drop his cigarette. It lands dangerously close to Slick’s clothes, making him growl and squirm. Droog doesn’t care. He’s too busy being appalled by the sight of Deuce huffing and puffing, trying to set the table upright after constructing it upside down on the floor. Droog sits back, Slick righting himself after Droog’s weight is lifted off of him.  
  
How, Droog asks.  
What do you mean? Deuce asks back, fixing his hat.  
How the hell did you get that done so fast, Droog clarifies.  
Oh! Deuce says. He says he just made a table. He knows what tables look like, so he just did it while everyone was fighting. Droog doesn’t have a response to that.  
  
Deuce thinks that sometimes this gang would fall apart if it didn’t have its most important member.


End file.
